Regardless of your preference for band or genre, whether you like Ariana Grande or Icelandic death metal, there's a song (or several,) that resonates with your soul. It could be that song you listened to on repeat after your breakup, or your wedding song. Or, breaking away from the concept of romantic love together, it could be your psych mix when you run or go to the gym, or that song on the bar's jukebox you sang at the top of your lungs with your college friends on two-for-one Tuesday.Many people connect to music on a strong, psychological level and there's even an entire field of music therapy dedicated to helping people heal through music listening and expression. Music even helps with anxiety! According to a review from UK Medical Journal The Lancet, patients who listened to music before, during, or after surgery experienced less pain and anxiety than the patients who did not. Even cooler is the fact that those same patients, (the ones who listened to music,) needed less medication. Music is pretty damn powerful, right? And the patients who needed the LEAST amount of pain medication were the ones who got to pick their own playlists. In other words, the music YOU pick can set the tone of your day. The music YOU pick can determine whether there's harmony or whether things fall flat.
So today, I'm going to talk about my self-esteem playlist. One of my biggest struggles with anxiety is my own battle with self-esteem. I the constant nagging feeling that I did or said something wrong, or that I didn't make the right impression on people, or that I didn't work hard enough in school, or that I was lazy at the gym. The common denominator in all these anxious thoughts is an underlying belief that I am not enough, and not only does this cause me to be harsher on myself, but I also worry more and feel more depressed as a result. Even though I have developed more self-confidence as I have developed more meaningful personal relationships with others and enjoyed career success, sometimes thought patterns can become well-worn pathways in the brain that are hard to completely walk way from them. With this playlist that spans decades and genres, I am not only headed full steam ahead in the opposite direction, but I am also blazing my own path of self-love.
Self Esteem Playlist:
1. What Makes You Beautiful-One Direction
Though this song is about a guy telling a girl she's beautiful. Though it's nice to hear a British boy band tell me how beautiful I am, I do not need Harry Styles or Zayn Malik to tell me as much. What stands out to me about this song is the line in the pre-chorus "everyone else in the room can see it. Everyone else but you." This makes me think about how even though I might feel like I'm falling apart, others could look at me and see someone who has her shit together. And maybe I have more of a grip on things than I think I do.
Conversely, other people who I may think are winning at life probably have their own insecurities. This one line reminds me that we are all humans and we all have our strengths and vulnerabilities, and therefore, I am no better or worse than anyone else. I am another human being on this earth doing my best.
2. Beautiful-Christina Aguilera
The phrase "we are beautiful, no matter what you say. Words can't bring us down" is affirming for me. Don't get me wrong. Words have the power to hurt. Sometimes someone's words, particularly if I thought said person was a friend, have the power to ruin my day or week. But they don't bring me down. They don't stop me from being me and doing what I love!
3. I Don't Want to Be-Gavin DeGraw
I met a lot of people in college who had a clear plan for what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives. They wanted to be doctors or engineers, and while a lot of these people were my friends and I admired them for having a dream and following it, I felt more lost and nervous as graduation drew closer. I started having second thoughts about the humanities and social sciences courses I took for the sake of learning and started to feel like I had failed compared to the rest of my friends.
However, the line "all I have to do is think of me and I'll be somebody" stood out to me. Just because I hadn't found that same sense of purpose that someone else did at that moment doesn't mean that I am somehow less than them or that my life is less valuable. I just have to be myself, and eventually, as I keep working towards my goals, my feelings of purpose will fall into place and I won't want to be anybody else.
4. Shake it Off-Taylor Swift
On a similar (albeit more upbeat) vein, the image of T.Swift just "shaking it off" and dancing like nobody's watching is empowering and inspiring. She may have received a lot of flack from industry professionals and critics alike, but guess what? She has still won several Grammys and sells out her concerts by being true to herself! I am definitely guilty of putting a lot of stock into what other people think and even spend time obsessing about it, but guess what? In life there will always be players and haters, but I can't be my best self unless I treat them like background noise the way my girl Taylor does!
5. Have a Nice Day-Bon Jovi
Bon Jovi released this song during my freshman year of high school, a time in my life when I felt the most pressure to conform. Through my classes, extracurricular activities, and my social circle, I met people who held very black-and-white world views to which they clung very tightly. There was this one particular girl I knew whose strident tone made me doubt myself and feel inadequate for daring to voice an alternative opinion.
In this song, Jon Bon Jovi tells his naysayers "I'm not gonna what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life" and "have a nice day" in an equally strident and confident tone. Ten years later, I use this song when I need to remind myself that there's nothing wrong with standing by my beliefs and opinions and even share this song with friends who need a boost of confidence.
6. My Life-Billy Joel
Billy is one of my favorite artists of all time, and he has a song for every emotion under the sun I experience (and believe me, as a cancer, I have a lot of them!) I turn to this song for a boost of self-confidence because of the line "I don't care what you say anymore this is my life. Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone." Like "Shake it Off" and "Have a Nice Day," this song reminds me that my life is my own to live and to put less stock in the opinions of others than I currently do. Sometimes we need to be reminded of these things multiple times, and these three different songs give me those reminders in three different packages!
7. Scars to Your Beautiful-Alessia Cara
When I first heard this song in an uber, I was feeling nervous because I was about to meet a group of my boyfriend's friends for the first time and I was very nervous about the impression I would make on them or whether I'd fit in with them. Then I heard the words in the bridge: "no better you than the you that you are," and it made me realize that being who I am should be enough for me and enough for anybody I meet. And guess what? Hearing her tell me that I am not only enough, but my best self gave me the confidence to strike conversations with them and we ended up having a great time bowling! I still listen to that song as an empowering pick me up every now and again.
8. Warrior-Scandal
This song is my battle cry in the war against my anxiety. Like I said in the post about bedtime habits, anxiety brings out our fight-or-flight instincts, and hearing the words "I am the warrior," over and over again makes me feel strong on days when my stress and negative thoughts leave me feeling defeated and reminds me of why I choose to fight.
9. Titanium-David Guetta featuring Sia
In addition to David Guetta and Sia being two of my favorite artists from this decade, the image of an impenetrable wall that is impervious to all the negativity and bullets of the world is so powerful. And it reminds me that I am that strong wall and I am far more powerful than any naysayers or even my own thoughts.
10. My House-Flo Rida
This last song is an odd choice because it has nothing to do with self-empowerment, nor does it have any lyrical depth. However, it reminds me of times when I felt empowered. Last year, I started taking classes such as spin and tabata at the gym, and it allowed me to realize all the things I could make my body do. This song would be part of the soundtrack of these classes, and to this day, I still associate it with feelings of triumph and confidence. In addition, I did a spin class on a bus last year with a group of very powerful and positive women who make me feel loved and empowered today, and we all sang along to this song as it played on the bus. Whenever I hear this song, I think about people who allow me to be my best and fullest self.
Obviously my taste in music may not be for everyone, but I challenge you to find songs that make you feel determined, confident, alive, and strong. I challenge you to find a song that reminds you to love yourself.
(Disclaimer: I am not a licensed psychiatrist or psychologist, and thus I do not have the qualifications or credentials to diagnose you or recommend any medication. This blog merely describes my own journey with anxiety and offers advice and supplementary cognitive behavioral coping techniques that can improve the quality of life. If you have questions about any medications and are not yet receiving psychological treatment, ask your physician for a referral.)
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